Sing to the Sky

Photo by Tim Foster on Unsplash
unsplash-logoTim Foster

You guys.

I’m a terrible friend. I am. I kept saying I’d post an update, and all I gave you were sporadically posted meal plans. I’ve been having a really tough time lately, so I haven’t felt like writing anything.

Why the hard time? you ask?

Well, I haven’t been sleeping well for MONTHS, and I honestly don’t remember the last time I actually slept through the night without waking up either in pain or to pee (tmi?). The pain is from my hand/wrist – yay carpal tunnel! I finally saw my primary doctor, and she wrote me a referral for an orthopedic surgeon, and I will see her on the 20th of this month. My doctor seems pretty positive that I’ll require surgery to fix the problem, because I let it go for so long. I have to sleep in a brace, and I can barely function with my hand, which is not good because it’s my dominant hand. Like to the point where I can’t even brush my teeth with my left hand.

I’ve been having issues with a coworker too, and I honestly don’t know the reason why she’s been so rude and horrid towards me. An example is the other day, she mentioned that Costco had a good chicken salad but it is a lot (duh, Costco). Another coworker said she makes her own, but only a little at a time or it goes to waste. I chime in (while working, I’ll add) that Sam’s Club has a good one that is made in their deli, but it’s a lot and since Kalen doesn’t eat chicken salad, I don’t buy it. The rude coworker immediately says the other’s name and mimes zipping her lips. Why yes folks, a lady in her 50s who is NOT my boss (or anyone’s boss) is shushing my coworkers so that I won’t talk. She later on talked about putting money in a male dancer’s g-string and drinking liquor. But I can’t talk about chicken salad. Oh, okay. She also said out of the blue on Wednesday that she’s not comfortable discussing an aspect of our jobs with me, and that I don’t need to know that information (I do). On Thursday I questioned again how I don’t need to know, and how could I do that job without the knowledge. She said it wasn’t necessary to know, and I said that was fine, I won’t help her out (I’m petty and pissed off). Then she came to “clarify” that it was schedule-related (it wasn’t) and she wasn’t comfortable shouting out schedules for the whole office to hear (it really doesn’t matter, because we can all view those schedules if we wanted to, and it’s all related to our jobs, but okay). So THEN Friday she shouts out the schedules of TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE. Two coworkers both reacted by saying loudly “Are you effing kidding me!?” incredulously. She also told me on Thursday that I spent all of Wednesday talking and I said that I absolutely did not because I had headphones in all day (to prevent me from losing my cool). She said I only recommended one person, and I said oh no, I recommend multiple people depending on the location and her response? “Oh, well I wasn’t paying attention then.” RIGHT SO HOW IS THAT MY FREAKING FAULT!? When I left Thursday for my appointment, she made a comment that if I had surgery, I’d milk it for all I could to take off as much time as possible (so, I guess I have no need for money), and then said if I get pregnant I’ll probably end up quitting. Excuse me, but with the way you’re treating me, wouldn’t that make you happy? I know she’s mad that I don’t offer out of the blue to help with her job, but I have my own. I am her backup when she is OUT OF THE OFFICE. I am not her assistant, and in my job description, I’m not required to even offer her help. When I have nothing to do of my own, I don’t mind, but do not demand that I do something. She will come up to me, if I talk, and say “Do this.” No. She has made me hate being at work, and I used to love it. I’m not the first person she has done this too either. I’m not sure why she’s so miserable, but she is. It’s been really draining too.

So rather than even talk to friends or think about it, I’ve been listening to twenty one pilots 24/7 to just ignore everything, and the louder the better. I’ve loved the band since before they were signed and put out Vessel (yeah, I’m playing that card), and each time I listen to them, I feel like I’m at peace and calm. I know that sounds weird, but it’s true. I’m sure Kalen is going to get sick of only listening to them, but luckily he loves them too so I have time before that happens haha.

I’ve also been dealing with depression. This time of year is never my favorite. January 27th is my Dad’s birthday (he would have been 60 this year), and I haven’t celebrated one with him since our last together in 1999. February 24th marks the day that 6 years ago we were told my Gma had stage IV unknown primary cancer and that she wouldn’t be able to undergo treatment because it was on her liver (and medications are metabolized through the liver) and I had to watch all the hope and willingness to fight leave her when she heard that and slumped her shoulders. April 24th is the day that 6 years ago she left us as Free Bird played (and now I hear that stupid song everywhere all the time and I hate it). April 26th is our wedding anniversary (4 years!) but it’s so close to that awful day, that while I’m happy to have another year with the love of my life, I find myself thinking about how she wasn’t there. April 30th is the day my Great Grandma died in 2008. In May we’re going to be in Germany for 2 weeks and I’m worried how my cats are going to be (they’re so afraid of people and they love to snuggle with us, so I think they’re going to be lonely and confused), and then June 12th marks 19 years since my Dad has been alive.

So it’s a tough year at the start. Top that off with the fact that I quit taking my birth control in an effort to wean off of it (we’re not actually trying, so we’re using condoms, and there’s another tmi for you!), and I’m a hormonal, emotional, depressed mess.

Lyrics from Screen, off of Vessel – such a great song and one I’ve been listening to a lot during all of this.

Anyway, other than those downsides, life is going on as usual. We replaced the fans in our living room, dining room, and bedroom, and added one to our kitchen. We replaced the light above the sink in the kitchen, hung up a sign below it, and hung a sign above the door going into the kitchen. I decorated for Easter, we got a new quilt for the guest bed, my Mom gave me my Gma’s curio cabinet (Kalen actually just finished anchoring it to the wall lol), we organized some of the basement, Kalen ran network cable into the office, and when his Uncle Dave is free again, he’s going to help finish up running the cable to the TV, and put in a new light at the top of the stairs/beginning of the hallway (there is only one, and it’s at the end of the hallway).

I also started a new term with school (although I’m already behind my planned schedule thanks to a killer pulled neck muscle that rendered me useless for a few days), and I have a new student mentor that is already more useful and helpful than the other one had been. I did not finish 2 of my courses last term, but I started this one with 4 entirely new ones, for a fresh start type of vibe, if you will. So far so good, minus falling behind my own scheduled plans haha.

Kalen and I saw both Black Panther (so so so amazing and I love how the females are portrayed as so incredibly strong and awesome), and Game Night (FREAKING HILARIOUS).

AND I found out that some of my favorite people are going to be in town in June from Ireland. My aunt’s best friend and her husband and their twins moved there, then had their 3rd child there. They don’t visit often (it’s expensive) and we suck and have never gone, but they’re family in my eyes and the last visits were all the girls, then the guys, so it was separated. I love seeing them though. The kids are so cool, and I love Sarah and Steve. So I’m psyched.

Honestly, that’s really about it.

So here is what we ate last week (stuff was shifted around quite a bit), and what we plan to eat this week (no links this time, but if you are curious, I’ll let you know, just ask!):

March 4th: Ranch chicken, mac and cheese, carrots
March 5th: Dinner out with Karen at Wings Etc.
March 6th: Pasta bake with salad
March 7th: Green chile chicken, Mexican corn, salad
March 8th: Swedish meatballs with egg noodles, green beans
March 9th: We tried a local place called Woodfire.
March 10th: Enchilada pasta, broccoli/salad
March 11th: Greek roasted chicken and potatoes, green beans amandine
March 12th: Keto butter chicken, brown rice, zucchini
March 13th: One-pot lasagna, salad/broccoli
March 14th: Baked enchilada chicken, yellow rice, salad
March 15th: Bacon, cream cheese, and cheddar chicken, carrots, white rice (we’re digging rice this week, apparently)
March 16th: Bangers and mash, broccoli/salad, maybe Irish soda bread (might save that for Saturday though)
March 17th: Dinner will likely be at my aunt’s house, and it will be the American version of Irish food: Corned beef and cabbage
March 18th: Nothing set in stone yet, but Kalen wants to do a sous vide pork tenderloin, so the sides will be based off of what he does with that.

Okay, NOW I am done!

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