The Struggle for Balance

When I was in nursing school, I was absolutely certain that I was going through the hardest part of my life. In my mind, nothing would be as awful as that.

I spent what little free time I had trying to find the time I needed to study and do well. I was eating like garbage, I wasn’t exercising, I never got to see friends or family, and I missed special occasions, like birthdays. I’m incredibly close with my family, and missing even just one thing was hard for me.

I quit nursing school, but not before my health really took a dive. I went from having thick hair to having hair so thin I have to be careful how I style it or it will look like I’m balding. Yay, stress! I went from weighing 230 to 290 (it’s down from that now, and that was also due to a new medication, but STILL!). I snacked a lot. I ate a lot of fast food.

I looked like this most of the time I was in nursing school:


I was all grimaces and fake smiles. I was all pretend happy and very real stress. It wasn’t a good look.

And now, I work full time in a job I love. I own a home. And I’m in a new degree program working towards a career I’ll love.

We bought the home, and there were things to be done, like painting our new but hideous beige counter tops in the kitchen (don’t worry, the walls were painted later by a company):

I took happy pictures and hung stuff outside:

I used to think that my problem with finding balance in life/school was due to nursing school. I’m slowly learning though that it is just who I am.

Oh, you want an example? Okay.

Right now, as I write this, I should probably be studying business ethics or working on spreadsheets. Or I should be bringing up the decorations we’d packed away to make room for Christmas decor. Or maybe I should be unpacking the boxes that are still in the basement and should be in our office. I could even be crocheting or making new jewelry for my Etsy shop (go check it out!). Instead, I am typing this up on the couch, snuggled up under some blankets, watching NCIS: New Orleans.

When I’m done with work, the only thing I want to do is come home, toss my bra onto the floor (okay, or put away in the drawer), put on some pajama pants, and do nothing. I was always a homebody but it has gotten worse now. The downside is that, while I’m being this wonderful homebody (wonderful, because quite honestly I think I do a good job of it!), I’m also looking around and making to-do list after to-do list because there’s still so much that needs to be done!

For about 2 months now, I’ve been rewriting the same list each week in the planner. One or two items might get checked off, but they’re the easier tasks (like washing the sheets). Mopping the bathroom floors and the kitchen floor? Hmmm, not today. Finding a place to hang all of our wall art? Hmmm, let’s just hang a few things and call it a day. Cleaning the nicotine/tobacco stains off the wall that are due to the previous owners smoking in the house (irritating because we paid painters, and they DID warn us, but still….lol)? Hmmm, we’ll pretend it doesn’t exist. Repainting cabinets? Hanging shelves? Setting up bookshelves? Let’s take a nap!

School is probably the worst struggle for me right now. I love what I’m studying (business, focusing on healthcare management). I love the school that I chose. I love the career field. But, I don’t love studying. I don’t love disciplining myself. I don’t love that I need to actually stick to the schedule that I set in order to be successful. The perk of this school/program is that I should be able to work at my own pace, and I have yet to take extra courses each term. Honestly, I’m not even sure if I’ll finish all of my classes this term (spreadsheets is a huge mental block for me right now).

The struggle is real. The lack of balance is real. My flaws? Those are real too.

So what am I doing about it?

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I’m telling myself that God has a plan, because He does. Only He knows that plan too. I just need to go with the flow. If I’m meant to finish this program, I will. If I’m meant to find a balance in my life, He’ll make sure that I do.

But I’m also not just sitting here waiting for everything to change. I’m working towards it. I’m trying to be more disciplined with studying, especially on the weekends, because during the week, when I get home from work I’m exhausted.

And so, we’ll see how it goes. We’ll see how things work out. And in time, we’ll see what God has planned for me.

How do you balance all areas of your life? I’d love to hear in the comments below!

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